5 Questions That Need Answers Before Starting A New Relationship
You probably have a friend or relative who went blindly into starting a new relationship. It's obvious to everyone else that the relationship is already toxic. You spend hours, weeks, months or even sometimes, years trying to support them. They listen for five minutes and ultimately return to the emotionally unhealthy relationship. Eventually, the relationship ends and you try to help them through their heartbreak without saying, “I told you so.”
It is clear to see sense when it's happening to someone else, but often, it's difficult to see the situation when you're in it yourself. Giving advice is easy, but it's not always so easy when it comes to taking your own advice.
Here are 5 questions you need to ask before starting a new relationship
Do you share the same values?
Values are not the same as liking the same things. It's common to misread this since you are psychologically drawn to people who have similar interests.
The problem with this is that commonalities are often surface things. You may like the same movies or enjoy going to the same places, which does not translate to having the same values.
Values come down to having the same priorities, aspirations and morals. I once knew of a girl who dated a guy with whom she seemed to have a lot in common since they worked in the same field and did the same social activities. When the relationship started to become serious, she learned that he did not believe in monogamy, which was quite important to her. Things ended quite bitterly and it also changed her into someone that she no longer recognized.
Do you trust this person?
Hemmingway said it best when he said, “The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them.”
Yet, sometimes this is easier said that done. How many people have you known who stay in relationships with people whom they do not trust? And, every time that person is not with them, they are insecure and worry about what that person may or may not be doing.
If this sounds like you then it's an important thing to ask before starting a new relationship. Lack of trust generally stems from two places. Either the person is genuinely untrustworthy, or you have trust issues caused by past experiences. You need to identify which one it is and take steps to moving forward.
Is there vulnerability and transparency?
It is important to have transparency when starting a new relationship. To be transparent means that you can be vulnerable, and communicate your thoughts and feelings with honesty.
Various studies have revealed that people who are able to have open communications and express themselves freely have healthier and better relationships.
Most people know someone who experiences problems in their relationship, yet for whatever reason, they do not feel comfortable to discuss the matter with their other half. Instead, they call their loved ones to ask for advice or to complain. This is not a sign of a healthy relationship.
Do you enjoy their company?
It is surprising how many people end up in relationships with people who they do not enjoy spending time with. Yet it would seem like an obvious question to ask when starting a new relationship.
Do you have fun together and do you find yourself laughing often? Do you look forward to spending the day together or do you dread it? The way you feel around someone tells you a lot about that person’s impact on your life. Pay attention to those signals; they would never lead you astray.
Would you introduce this person to your friends or family?
If you have apprehensions about introducing your partner to these people, you need to pinpoint the reason.
If you wary about your other half meeting them because of his or her behavior, outlook or personality, this is a warning sign. You should feel secure and pleased for them to be part of the circle of those who know you best.
If, however, it is the other way around and because of past issues such as coming from a family of abusers or addicts, this would not be a reflection on your other half. The right partner would be supportive of what you want to do in this situation.