Ghosted: Remembering Your Value When a Relationship Ends Without Warning
Many of us have been there. You're slowly becoming more and more attached to someone, enjoying any opportunity that you can to spend time with them, convinced that the admiration is completely mutual. Then suddenly without warning, they vanish.
Well, they vanish as far as you're concerned. All attempts to connect with them go unanswered, yet social media still allows you the unfortunate opportunity to see them out and about around town. You find yourself wondering what the hell happened. Was it something you said? Something that you did?
Most likely the answer is no. You had the unfortunate experience of being ghosted.
Ghosting is when someone leaves a relationship without giving any reason for their decision, cutting off all communication in the process. Being ghosted can have devastating consequences for the one who was ghosted, leaving them feeling vulnerable, confused, and frustrated. The end of a relationship is difficult enough in even the most transparent of situations. When a relationship ends without any rhyme or reason it can result in a massive blow to one's mental and emotional wellbeing.
The awful part of being ghosted
Depending on the significance of the relationship, the repair process for an individual who has been ghosted by someone they cared about can be significant. The person who leaves the relationship often leaves behind a trail of confusion, anger, frustration, and guilt. Not only can it leave an individual with no resolution, but it can foster massive trust issues that impact future relationships. In the absence of answers, the person left behind must learn how to rebuild their self-worth and self-esteem in a vacuum.
So how do you move forward when you've been ghosted?
Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to grieve the lost relationship. While you can't address the other person's feelings, you can address your own. You will be angry, hurt, and frustrated at what has been done. You should feel this way. Process your emotions. Deal with each one.
Move forward through each feeling, acknowledging it, accepting it, learning what you can from it.
Once you have come to terms with your own feelings, you can begin to seek out closure. Before getting to this step it is vital that you have dealt with your own feelings about the break up. If not, you will face the situation with anger and aggression which will more than likely lead to a confrontation that neither of you want or need. If in your attempt to seek closure the person who suddenly left the relationship is willing to talk, it's important that you truly listen to what they have to say. You may not like what you hear, but it's important to listen anyway.
If the person who ghosted you is not willing to talk, leaving you without answers, it's important to accept the situation as it is and move forward with grace and dignity. You don't have to forget, but you don't have to let it consume you either.
If the ghost returns...
Many people who have difficulty with commitment will attempt to come and go in a relationship without explaining themselves. If a person has ghosted you in the past, don't feel obligated to allow them to do it again. Don't put yourself in the same situation twice.
Moving forward isn't easy, but it's necessary
Moving forward after a someone you care about ends a relationship without warning is not easy. For a period of time the memories will haunt you and the frustration and anger will sometimes seem to be unbearable. Still, it's important to learn how to move forward even if you don't get the closure you are seeking. Spend time with friends. Take a few days and indulge in things that you love. Seek out the good in the world around you. Take time to understand what positive realizations you can take away from the experience.
Whatever you do, don't lose yourself.
Never forget your value.
Just because one person did not see or respect your worth, doesn't mean it isn't there. Don't forget who you are, and the value that your life possesses.